Alright, let’s get that out of the way: No, Snickers didn’t pull a “cock vein” out of their candy bars. I’m sorry to have to write this sentence, but let me explain why I do it.
Earlier this month, an image of a Oddly Smooth Snickers bar began making the rounds on social media alongside a screenshot of a press article claiming that Snickers parent company Mars Inc. had removed (sorry again) “the candy bar’s world famous dick vein”.
The screenshot of the article included the line: “Woke crowds have been begging for decades and cancel culture prevails.”
Related: Tucker Carlson Laments That He’s No Longer Drawn To “Less Sexy” M&M Cartoons
According to Snopes, the image of the slick Snickers may be real – if so, it’s likely the result of a simple manufacturing error – but the item is not. Instead, it’s a play on the news surrounding the Green M&M’s recent revamp and the (very real) backlash that follows from conservative pundits. Fox News host Tucker Carlson, for his part, linked Mars’ decision to make his cartoons “less sexy” to the decline of American society.
In January, Mars announced that the anthropomorphic candy icons would get a makeover to better reflect a “more dynamic and progressive world” and to show the character’s “personality, rather than their gender.” This included stripping the Green M&M of its signature white platform boots and replacing them with “cool, laid-back sneakers to mirror its effortless confidence.”
It was an odd flex (especially amid allegations of child labor in the Mars supply chain), but pretty much everyone took the transition in stride except for Carlson. In a now-memorable rant, the Fox News host said in January that “M&M’s won’t be satisfied until every cartoon character is deeply appealing and utterly androgynous to the point where you don’t want a drink. with one of them – that’s the point.”
Want more food writing and recipes? Subscribe to the Salon Food newsletter.
As Snopes wrote, following these changes, many people made jokes about other candy that “needed desexualizing, like Snickers bar and its ‘cock vein,’ which users social media have been making fun of since at least 2009.”
You might be wondering, “Now what does Snickers think about all this?” Well, instead of keeping quiet or offering a subtle statement like “Snickers: The same as they always were,” he decided to take advantage of this week’s trending topic.
Tuesday, the published mark: “Good news, contrary to what happens on Twitter… THE VEINS REMAIN!”